Today has been a difficult day... and for the life of me - I hadn't been able to figure out why... until I looked at the date and realized it was four months ago today that I received the text...
So, here I sit... the last of our 2023 apples bubbling on the stove and I've decided to write. My Father, Pops as I called him, was such an amazing man. He was such a story teller. I wish I had written down half of them. He was raised by his Grandmother, Addie, to ensure he wouldn't be turned into a farm hand by his new step-dad. He did his time in the US Army like so many of his generation and served during the Korean War. He returned home, barely spoke of the atrocities he saw and went on a blind date with the girl who would end up being my mother. They were married 65 years... He spent his life working in agriculture... as a farmer and fertilizer dealer. Funny that he would raise a daughter who wanted to grow organically - huh? I had such an interesting relationship with my father. We were always butting heads. I remember an argument at the age of 16 that resulted in my yelling "Will you shut up and listen to me for once?"... which didn't result in my being in trouble but Pops asking me what I needed to say. For some reason I still think that might have been a defining moment in my relationship with him. After that shouting match I found myself seeking his advice more and paying closer attention to what he did. He taught me so much.... and the most important thing was never settling for second best. He allowed me to grow up on my terms; which often times created many sleepless nights for him. He also told me if I had been born first - I would have been an only child. Ha! At 18 I was off to see the world and never looked back.... I went to school... worked my way up the corporate ladder and continued to seek his advice every chance I had. So many times on visits back home, he and I would do the most ridiculous things that would drive my Mom nuts. Let's just say one of those things involved Santa peeing off the stoop and another involved the word flower replacing the word flour on a grocery list.... On a Sunday in September of 2016 - I called Pops.... this was after I had already purchased my house in Athens and had planned on staying in Michigan until my house there sold. I told him I thought tomorrow would be my last day at my employer... and we talked about why. He told me he was glad. He reminded me I deserved better. :-) So... that began my journey back to Illinois. I wanted to be a part of my parents lives for however long they had left. I made the choice to step away from the crazy and help them out whenever I could. Stepping away gave me the freedom to do that. So... I had 5 years with Mom. She passed away Aug 5th, 2021. From that point forward I was focused on making sure Pops was taken care of. In reality - that focus meant I never really grieved the loss of my Mom... I saw him almost daily. Before getting on with my day I would pop in to make sure he had what he needed for the day. I was involved with his health care and often was disappointed with the level of care (or lack thereof) that his generation received from the medical community. If they would only shut up and listen... but they won't. Oct 23rd began just like any of the days that had preceded it. A morning visit with Pops followed by 9 hours at the side hustle. On the way home I was picking up his medicine when I received a text that read "help me"... I had no idea how much energy Pops had been spending convincing me he was doing fine. 12 days later he was done fighting. As much as I deeply miss having him in my world... I also know I am incredibly blessed. Blessed to have had his wisdom... his love... his guidance... and blessed to have 12 days to say all those things I needed to say... before saying good bye. No one will ever replace him. If you knew him... count yourself blessed. I'm not sure if writing this has made me feel better or not... but if nothing else, it has reminded me of how blessed I am. Still surrounded by some amazing men looking out for me in his absence.
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